Someone Please tell me that my son will outgrow this stage!!! He absolutely adores a kid at school, who just encourages this behaviour. He carries this kids stuff, lets him play with whatever he wants, follows all his 'orders' and worries constantly that he is going to be 'fired' from this kids club. ARGH! This kid is a fine kid. It drives me crazy that my kid is getting into trouble, trying to show off for the approval of this kid!!!
I accidentally on purpose said to my kid that he shouldn't be friends with kids that treat him that way, while the kid was in hearing, however I didn't mean for his mother to hear it, as there was more to the story then just that comment. AND I didn't mean to imply that this kid was part of the actual problem, ultimately the problem is that my kid won't stand up for himself. Anyway I recognize that that was a mistake and I went to apologize to her today... however obviously I had touched a nerve, and she told me that she had been discussing it with other people and that I should have come to her if it involved her kid.. which if it directly involved her kid I might, but it doesn't. He doesn't have to change, it has nothing to do with him, and everything to do with mine being assertive. Plus I don't really appreciate having been the topic of discussion all weekend, but I do understand why.
So anyway I feel bad that I made her question her kid, I feel bad that she was worried enough to discuss it with other people. I think she felt that I had attacked her kid, and I didn't mean to at all. I did apologize but left the conversation unfinished because we were interrupted by kids. I hope that it was just that we were both uncomfortable, and that she did hear the apology and won't be worried about it too much anymore.
And I will try and have my kid understand that friends maybe shouldn't treat each other that way, and if he gets 'fired' its not the end of the world.
Monday, November 4, 2013
Saturday, April 6, 2013
My oh my but its been a while.
What sparked my interest today was a bunch of women who think that what they are doing is not bullying. I USED to belong to a facebook group that was an offshoot from an original larger mothers group. This particular group was supposedly for the more opinionated and not so easily offended women and mothers. However, I believe in actuality, it turned into a support group of women who are mean to others.
You know how, when you are with your friends and you see someone wearing a terrible outfit you glance at each other and make a face, or maybe a quiet comment? What you don't do are say it too their face, or loud enough they can hear and if they did hear you would probably be upset and apologize. OR the majority of people would, I hope. Well, one of these women has an issue with a woman (Lady B) who is hitting on her husband, instead of dealing with the issue, she thought it was appropriate to post a picture of the woman to this group, upon which many people commented on her looks, and from there her assumed habits and personality. Then some women discovered that they could see other pictures from her profile as the original women gifted us with the ladies full name. The women whose husband is being hit on (lady A) set up Lady B by getting her to meet 'her husband' only it was her husband, her and her friends. Lady A then proceeded to tell us all what Lady B was wearing, how she looked etc during the meeting at a bar. The women on the group commented on the updates with things Lady A should say to Lady B, as well as many opinions on her character, looks and personality. I don't know how it ended as I left the group disgusted.
Now obviously Lady B shouldn't be messing with a married man. But I can't help but be reminded of the phone calls in jr high from "friends" where they tried to set you up to say something mean about another friend, who just so happened to be on the party line listening in. I don't really think Lady A said much to Lady B, but I found the behaviour of the group and the encouragement from Lady A disgusting. I kept picturing 6 women standing around 1 women yelling derogatory names, and sexual innuendos. I hope they would never actually do it in real life, but I was disgusted that they would even do it in cyber life. The group is made up of 100 people, it is by no means a small group of intimate friends (which still doesn't make it okay) it is not beyond the realm of possibility that Lady B could hear about it.
I know that there is nothing anyone can do about these women, and as they are all mothers unfortunately they will probably raise their children in their example. It is a shame. I feel that cyber friends and groups allow traits that are not socially acceptable to be encouraged. Children who would begin to understand that they shouldn't bully, may be encouraged by their cyber friends. The general rules : if you're not nice, no one will like you, don't work because other bullies will join with you in cyber land. It seems anonymous but it doesn't make it hurt less, and although I don't really care what others think of me, and would delete myself from those people. I know of others who fall to pieces because someone says a negative thing about them, even in cyber land.
I like the rule, if you wouldn't say it to there face then don't write it. BUT if you were with 6 other like minded people then you might say it in real life, which is the difference, in cyber land you have built in support. I think making it easier to be a little bit meaner in real life, then you might have otherwise been, because you know when you go home there will be a group of women who will tell you you did the right thing, and you shouldn't have to put up with that...
Thanks for reading yet another rambling poorly written post from me lol
What sparked my interest today was a bunch of women who think that what they are doing is not bullying. I USED to belong to a facebook group that was an offshoot from an original larger mothers group. This particular group was supposedly for the more opinionated and not so easily offended women and mothers. However, I believe in actuality, it turned into a support group of women who are mean to others.
You know how, when you are with your friends and you see someone wearing a terrible outfit you glance at each other and make a face, or maybe a quiet comment? What you don't do are say it too their face, or loud enough they can hear and if they did hear you would probably be upset and apologize. OR the majority of people would, I hope. Well, one of these women has an issue with a woman (Lady B) who is hitting on her husband, instead of dealing with the issue, she thought it was appropriate to post a picture of the woman to this group, upon which many people commented on her looks, and from there her assumed habits and personality. Then some women discovered that they could see other pictures from her profile as the original women gifted us with the ladies full name. The women whose husband is being hit on (lady A) set up Lady B by getting her to meet 'her husband' only it was her husband, her and her friends. Lady A then proceeded to tell us all what Lady B was wearing, how she looked etc during the meeting at a bar. The women on the group commented on the updates with things Lady A should say to Lady B, as well as many opinions on her character, looks and personality. I don't know how it ended as I left the group disgusted.
Now obviously Lady B shouldn't be messing with a married man. But I can't help but be reminded of the phone calls in jr high from "friends" where they tried to set you up to say something mean about another friend, who just so happened to be on the party line listening in. I don't really think Lady A said much to Lady B, but I found the behaviour of the group and the encouragement from Lady A disgusting. I kept picturing 6 women standing around 1 women yelling derogatory names, and sexual innuendos. I hope they would never actually do it in real life, but I was disgusted that they would even do it in cyber life. The group is made up of 100 people, it is by no means a small group of intimate friends (which still doesn't make it okay) it is not beyond the realm of possibility that Lady B could hear about it.
I know that there is nothing anyone can do about these women, and as they are all mothers unfortunately they will probably raise their children in their example. It is a shame. I feel that cyber friends and groups allow traits that are not socially acceptable to be encouraged. Children who would begin to understand that they shouldn't bully, may be encouraged by their cyber friends. The general rules : if you're not nice, no one will like you, don't work because other bullies will join with you in cyber land. It seems anonymous but it doesn't make it hurt less, and although I don't really care what others think of me, and would delete myself from those people. I know of others who fall to pieces because someone says a negative thing about them, even in cyber land.
I like the rule, if you wouldn't say it to there face then don't write it. BUT if you were with 6 other like minded people then you might say it in real life, which is the difference, in cyber land you have built in support. I think making it easier to be a little bit meaner in real life, then you might have otherwise been, because you know when you go home there will be a group of women who will tell you you did the right thing, and you shouldn't have to put up with that...
Thanks for reading yet another rambling poorly written post from me lol
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